confidence requires cute shoes

i do not have good sense. i just don’t. i find humor in randomness. in accents. in podcasts. in highly confident people. today i saw a gangly man outfitted in a black skirt, revealing knobby knees, paired with a sleeveless top, his size 13s shod in black kitten heels.  his eyes were hidden behind dark sunglasses. as i drove by, i could see the sun shining through his stringy permed hair and i did a double-take. is that luke? of luke and laura fame? (i know you all watched general hospital) i was arrested. the outfit, the hair, his uncertain movements balanced atop the black patent leather pumps. and yet, he was the picture of confidence. i wondered, where is he going? with whom? how did he choose that ensemble? and where, oh where did he find those shoes? i’m a size 10 and i have trouble finding cute pumps.

a fan of all things netflix, i settled onto my well-worn sofa and launched a series called “the heavy water war.” it’s foreign. Norwegian and German with a bit of English sprinkled here and there. the husband exudes self-assurance. he is promoted to a director role at a plant, but he’s an attorney.  his wife challenges his ascension and as he sips his wine he asks, are you questioning my qualifications?  i howled. just roared like a lioness.  she responded, you’re just a lawyer. and i guffawed some more.  this man was unmoved. he could see no reason why a lawyer wouldn’t be asked to run a heavy water production plant.  (quick chemistry or perhaps physics lesson based on what i gleaned from episode 1 and a google search.  heavy water has properties that make it ideal to produce nuclear power and weapons.  each molecule of heavy water contains two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom rather than just the one hydrogen atom as found in water. nope, i’m not a chemist but i geeked a bit on this.  in tap water, each hydrogen atom has a single proton, but in heavy water the hydrogen atom contains both a neutron and a proton.  ok, that’s the end of the lesson, for more visit pbs and read the nova article or watch the show). i was tickled by how obtuse he was and how ignorant his wife was (to him) that she failed to see his greatness.

why is it that we fail to see our greatness? why don’t we move through the world languidly like the man in the kitten heels with the presence of mind that we deserve, have earned, the right to simply BE WHO WE ARE. why don’t we exude confidence? why do we stand before leaders and mumble, whisper, say “i think” and “i hope” when presenting ideas or data? why, when we have prepared and know our craft. why, when our counterparts haven’t?

ladies, if you are hanging your head when you enter the boardroom, classroom, or locker room, i demand that you jut out that chin and think of luke. pull those shoulders back and glide across the floor with the air of one who owns the ground upon which you stand. being is a function of doing. you cannot be confident when you don’t act confident. you cannot be sure when you act unsure. when i slip on my MK suede pumps, toss on my caramel leather moto jacket, and peer out from behind Dior aviators, i am certain of one thing: i am one badass chick.



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