surely i will

this is a shitty end to 2018. my mentor and sister-girlfriend lost her battle with cancer in october. a woman i referred to as grandmother had a heart attack and passed away in november. i last saw her a few summers ago, my dad snapping a photo of us in her living room as she […]

renew your mind

i tore my house apart this morning searching for a notebook. i have scribblings all over the place. journals, scraps of paper with phrases, passwords jotted on post-it notes. i panicked because i couldn’t find the notebook. where the fuck did i put it? what else is in it? i spent at least an hour […]

fight on

for several weeks now i’ve been burdened, i wake up shrouded in a wet wool blanket. i shower and the blanket is heavier. i drive to work and my car is covered in the same itchy fabric.  when i read the headlines of children ripped from their parents because this government deems them illegals, when […]

the road ahead

i finally took a vacation in may, a roadtrip from troy, ny to montreal, quebec. i loaded up my rented kia optima with snacks and settled in for the 3.5h drive up i-87 not knowing what was on the road ahead. the drive was marked by rain, not blinding but enough to have the wipers […]

happy father’s day, chief

in honor of father’s day i must dedicate this post to my dad. this guy has the biggest heart of anyone you’d ever met. he will give anyone the shirt off his back, buy them a meal, then ask them, do you know Christ? and proceed to share the gospel with them. i’ve seen him […]

things no one tells you: your mom is only human

in honor of mother’s day, i decided to write about me and my mom. when i turned 35 i thought about my mother. at 35 she had been married twice and had 5 kids, the youngest (me) wasn’t even a year old. our relationship has been marred by anger, unforgiveness, and bitterness. as a child […]

smiles are free

there are days i open my eyes and think, ok lord, there’s a reason your woke me up again today. what is it? surely it’s not to live another day single, frustrated with my job, and ready to give the world the finger. i imagine he smiles (or maybe frowns at the middle finger reference) […]

unconditional self-love

there are moments in life when you will feel that your best efforts have gone unnoticed. your cutest outfit, brightest lip color, widest smile have all been overlooked. and you’ll stand in the mirror and wonder, what the hell is wrong with me? how is it that i’m ___ years old and i’m still (fill […]

things i learned by NOT having kids

a few weeks ago i was nearly the only SBF at an event featuring maria shriver. i got a two-fer ticket and convinced a girlfriend of mine to be my plus 1. i arrived before she did and sat up close to the front, on the end. patrons arrived and my friend was lost in […]