christmas in february

so i’m at a party last night and i make what I think is an innocent remark about my chronic tardiness. a man i don’t know comments that i just mentioned that i arrive at work at 930 and i arrive at church at 1130.  30 minutes late for both. he smiles. a woman i’ve never met says, “do you have kids?”  i say no. she says,” then you have no reason to be late!”  i could’ve slapped the piss outta her.

we chatted further and another woman joins the conversation. (i don’t know her either). the first lady remarks that this woman also attends 830 /1145 service (30 – 45 minutes late for either one). the second woman laughs. the first lady then goes on about how when she was single she was in bed by 9/1030 every evening and couldn’t get out of bed before 8am. i pounce. “ok then! so you understand!” she doesn’t acknowledge this point.

why am i still annoyed 2 days later?  because I cannot let shit go and because this made for a good blog post 🙂

she assumed that a) i had never had kids.  who’s to say i didn’t have a child that died? or that at one point in my life i tried to have a child and had a series of miscarriages?  b) she assumed that i want kids. her point was “wait til you have kids, that [my tardiness] will change.” so emphatic and self righteous. as if having kids is in my life plan and i need to have them to overcome tardiness.  no, i actually just need to give a damn about what i’m late for. what she doesn’t know and didn’t bother to ask, is that timeliness has a been a struggle for me forever.  D (a former beau) would get so angry with me for arriving late.  i finally made a conscious decision to change my behavior. D noticed and so did M (a good friend of mine).  and you know what, they TOLD ME they noticed.  that was a great feeling. to make an effort and have someone acknowledge my effort.

so back to this damned woman. her self-righteousness led me to a place of introspection. here’s the game changing moment.  i recognized that i make the same snap judgments about other people, what they say, what they do.  my blog is full of life “as i see it.” my own judgments about what i see and hear. the difference between she and i is that i RECOGNIZE IT. what’s is called?  emotional intelligence.

 

 

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