wth is up with the sheik? why is this man trailing me? why did he choose me? what does he want from me? is this another distraction like the last one? we don’t share the same faith, race, or culture. so what would make him want to pursue me? why do i feel like destruction lies around the corner if i continue to entreat this person? conspiracy. suspicion. fear.

i started the same way with “pryor.” attraction, conversation, but the nagging differences of faith, culture and upbringing that finally did us part. so i question what the sheik is doing, who sent him and why. yep, i sound cuckoo for cocoa puffs but i’m quite serious. there is something to be said for demonic forces looking to tempt and distract to prevent you from receiving or even seeing what God has for you. eve didn’t realize God had everlasting life in paradise for her as she was distracted by the serpent (who was, by the way, cunning and clearly not what we know a serpent to look like). she traded God’s paradise for a life of hardship. because she was distracted and didn’t know that the serpent couldn’t give her what she needed or thought she wanted.

what about people who are tempted by alcohol? they know that a single drink (for them) is the gateway to hell (i have witnessed this) yet they have one beer, then 2, then 4 then 8 and by the end of the night they are groping your best friend in the bed. long bizarre story but i have seen this shit happen.

i’m rambling and my mind is racing. the hamsters are outrunning each other on the wheels of my mind. if i had something to clean i would. i may need to take a little blue to help me shut down the thoughts, the whys, the tears.

oh and to top it all off, my bestie from childhood just sent me a wedding invitation. i’m in a cosmic joke and it’s on me.