steward for hire

i finally bought an echo dot. i connected it and said, alexa, play pandora. she said, what would you like to hear? i said, jazz. she said, shall i add it to your station. i said, yes. she said, it’s been added.  and i said, thank you.  now, y’all know the world is off axis when i’m talking to a machine and telling it thank you. never did i think i’d purchase this device but i love it. it’s the pet i never had. or maybe the steward i’ve always dreamed of. i can tell her to play my music, npr, and apparently she will shop for me. this is the life. what isn’t living, is receiving a package from amazon prime (3rd party vendor) and it’s missing the hardware.  really? how much memory is required to drop a baggie with screws, washers, and an allen wrench into a box before taping it? i’m not sure alexa can order 5″x 8″ screws and matching washers so i’ll have to swing by lowe’s so i can assemble my third piece of furniture. this is the life of an SBF.

here’s the deal, JESUS was a carpenter and the GOOD LORD didn’t call me to carry a hammer, nails, or plywood. but here i am attempting to assemble a bookshelf with pre-fab holes that aren’t large enough. sometimes there are extra screws. i did manage to assemble my table and if they had included the screws my plum bed bench with silver nail studs would be positioned at the foot of my bed by now.

after i jacked my knee attempting to lift my bookshelf out of the car, my colleague took pity on me and said, i would be happy to help you with that. well. it’s not like i had his number but i appreciate the gesture. another colleague has taken pity on me as i describe my handiwork and has offered to fix and assemble anything else i buy. isn’t there a service where i can rent a husband? handyman? anybody to do these tasks i prefer not to do? i’m just thankful i have a landscaper to keep the yard in shape and hang my christmas lights.

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