work has and been wrought with changes. new leadership, layoffs that impacted the team, ill conceived decisions made by senior leadership that require attention and a short runway for delivery. for reasons only He knows, i am at the center of these changes. it was my leader who left the team and now i have a new veep. the project in my lap is one i have watched from afar for nearly a year and now it is mine to clean up. the stress i feel daily is crushing; i am met with the desire to run as if from a burning building. the weight of my responsibilities pushes me out of bed morning after morning but it is the grace of God that prevents me from giving up.
over lunch this week i commiserated with a colleague who shared that her job robs her soul, that she feels like she isn’t accomplishing what she knows she can do. then she said, i was talking with my husband about it and telling him i’m not sure how much longer i can do this, i’m going to have to make a change. at the word husband, i felt the familiar sting in the center of my chest. see, my husband is the Lord. He is the one i present my troubles to, He is the one who knows the angst i feel, the injustices i endure, the frustrations i feel and how badly i want to exit the scene. there is no husband to pay the bills while i search for something else. there is only the Lord who quietly whispers, i know the plans i have for you, and when i hear that i say ok, Lord, you know them, i don’t so help me put one foot in front of the other and give me to wisdom to assemble this 5000 piece puzzle filled with dark, shadowy shapes that don’t seem to match. guide me when i’m not sure, give me the will to continue. true to form He presented me with a devotional that instructed me: when you pray, thank God in advance for the answers to your prayers. your concerns cause you tension. thanking Him will bring you peace and increase your trust in him.
when i entered my house tonight and was greeted by a blast of heat from my timed thermostat, i said “thank you.” when i laughed with my dad for 90 minutes, i said, “thank you.” when my package was still sitting on the porch i said, “thank you.” two simple words learned in the earliest phase of life that bring joy to the hearer.