for the past few months i’ve been down in the dumps. worried about meeting my goals at work, stressed about my career development, fearful of the GMAT, and sick of being single. friday morning i checked my account balance only to find it negative. i got in my car and the yellow “MAINT REQ’D” light was flashing. i arrived at work and found that my projects are behind and we may not deliver on time. i was beyond ready to quit. just throw in the towel and walk away from it all.
i usually pray in the shower as i’m getting ready for work and last week i just told the Lord, look, i have a lot on my mind. i’m tired. tired of fighting with my coworkers, tired of fighting with myself. i give up. i need to you to something spectacular cuz i’m at the end of my rope.
this morning, i was singing the same tune. i finally got out of bed at 1020am knowing full well church starts at 11. on the way to service i was ranting. Lord, i’m tired and i give up. Your Word says to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord so am i going to hear the trumpet today? and here i am 30 minutes late for service. but i’m going to press my way and not let the enemy stop me because there may be a Word for me.
i get to the parking lot, roll into a space, turn off my car and seriously considered turning it back on and driving home. but i got out and went inside.
pastor was at the podium and he was about to pray and then read his text. he thanked the worship ministry and then we opened our bibles to psalm 119:153 and this is what the psalmist said.
Look upon my suffering and deliver me,
for I have not forgotten your law.
we read the next 7 verses of Resh and pastor said, “someone came today looking for a word from the Lord. the title of today’s message is, “the Word for your dilemma.”
he told us that good things can and do come from our suffering, even if we are suffering due to our own choices. hello somebody. he said, God may be using my circumstances to bring me back to Him because i have forgotten His Word. he said, your defense against persecutors (my coworkers) is not turning your back on God’s Word.
Many are the foes who persecute me,
but I have not turned from your statutes.
as he neared the end of the message he said there is a stronghold in this place, i feel it in my spirit. he invited all who wanted to release their burdens to the Lord to join him at the altar. and i rose from my seat and joined others with my hands lifted in surrender to the Lord. i gave it all to him:
- the struggles with my weight
- my family
- my job
- my career goals
- the GMAT
pastor told us it is not for us to carry these burdens. he said, we don’t want to hear about you next week…then he paused and said, high blood pressure, stroke, heart attack. he implored us to give it God, every issue and trust Him by faith.
i cannot express how grateful i am that i went to service and that pastor wouldn’t let go until he prayed for us at the altar. so many issues i’ve been carrying around, looking good on the outside but cracked and broken on the inside. but today was my release from the prison of my mind.