not me

let me get right to the point.

brothas:  if she’s good enough to sleep with, have a baby with, and live with, why is she not good enough to marry?

sistas:  why do we willingly alter the course of our lives forcing ourselves to be stuck with some clown who isn’t worthy to breathe your exhaled air?

i’m reminded of  ‘relationship’ i was in many years ago.  let’s just call him X.  X was clear that he thought i was cool but he wasn’t trying to be anyone’s boyfriend, let alone husband.  X became angry with me because he believed in walking in the rain with no coat and i was too fearful of rejection to protect myself and my future.  thankfully, the worst thing that happened was a stomach turning ride on the emotional roller coaster.

the point i missed then and what i think women miss now is that we, women, are in control.  we control our womb, we control whether or not we want to have children (and i’m not talking about abortion). we control if and when sex will occur.  so i wonder, why do we relinquish that control to a man?  are we fearful of rejection?  loneliness?

pregnancy is not a forgone conclusion. we can prevent it before it ever happens.  but we allow our partner to decide if he wants to wear a condom.  and if it breaks or he decides he “doesn’t like the feel” who is left to deal with the aftermath? is there a reason WE don’t take responsibility for protecting ourselves?  there are dozens of birth control options for women and how simple is a condom for a man? instead of marching in pro-choice rallies we could make the decision to do whatever it takes NOT to get pregnant in the first place. why don’t we take back control of our bodies and our future?

lest i appear self-righteous or halo’d, i can and will admit, i could easily have been a single mom.  i didn’t always make the best decisions, i didn’t always double up on protection or insist that my partner strap up, and i didn’t always date the most available men.  by His grace i’m not raising a 7 year old.  so when i see single moms raising kids on their own, i applaud them and i thank God it’s not me.

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